Missing Someone

My heart would feel like it's closing in on itself. I would be in the midst of watching TV or daydreaming when out of nowhere I would just get this unshakeable feeling. Chest heavy. Stomach churning. Palms sweaty. Unsure of what it meant and what could be causing it, I once told myself that this is just the feeling of missing someone and someone missing me back. I remember being 9-years-old, having this heavy feeling and then finding comfort at the thought that someone is simply missing me. I'm not sure how or what got me thinking like this, but I'm thankful for it. This strange inexplicable feeling which I now know as anxiety was a harmless nuance because of this way of thinking.

Today, my anxiety shows up differently. I would be at home on weekends, binge-watching a show I like for a couple of hours, when I would start getting this familiar heavy feeling. What I'm slowly realizing: I have this persistent desire to be in constant motion. Even though I enjoy binge-watching shows, the fact that this action doesn't actually propel me forward (i.e. how is this helping the world or how will this help me achieve my dreams) brings me anxiety. As always, I'm thinking a lot about travelling - all the places I have been to and want to see. There's so much of the world I want to experience. So many things I wish to do. I am finding it hard to enjoy the simple pleasures because of this constant fear of not doing enough... this constant thought of missing something

March has been a push and pull battle with anxiety. I wish I can easily go back to thinking that this agitated panic is simply caused by the feeling of missing someone. Nonetheless, it seems fitting to dedicated my third #GoingNowhere video to this idea because while some days can be bad, I (we) have to remember that most days are generally good.

And if you're interested, here are some of the steps I'm currently taking to contain my anxiety. I don't claim to know the answers, but I do find that these steps help me.

SLEEP BETTER. I've realized that I need at least 7 hours of sleep to function properly. This is my optimal sleep duration - otherwise, I'm irritable, I eat badly (i.e. I get unhealthy cravings), and I get bad headaches. To help, I have been taking CALM a couple of hours before sleep, it's a magnesium citrate powder which I mix with warm water. It's been effective at calming my nerves and putting me to sleep at a reasonable hour.

EAT HEALTHIER. Whether it's eating more greens or eating smaller amounts every three or more hours, I've noticed that what I eat and when I eat certainly affect my overall mood. 

WALKING/ YOGA. Oh what joy it is to walk outside and hear the sound of birds chirping, there's something truly relaxing about being outdoors and simply feeling the cool air on my skin. Yoga has, of course, been very powerful for me as well. It has served as an escape from daily trivialities and therapeutic to sweat out any of the bad energies. 

Well, thank you for taking the time to read this and 'til next time!






Iris SinilongComment